August 2020 – Sporteacid
 

Month: August 2020

For Grieving Daughters on Mother’s Day

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A hiker staring out at the mountains

My mom passed away when I was 15 years old. 

Growing up, she was not only a faithful caretaker to my sister and I but a trusted friend. Even when she grew sick, she found ways to show up for us. She taught me, through her words and by her example, of the beauty in leaning on God and taking courage in the most difficult times. 

Mother’s Day weekend is one of the hardest of the year for me. It’s the weekend where I sprint from Facebook and Instagram because scrolling through photographs of daughters standing aside their mothers feels like too much to bear. I get through one sentence of a gushy caption before closing the app and wondering why I clicked in the first place.

It’s the weekend where I look through my emails, and it feels like I’m trudging through mud. Companies implore me to buy a gift on behalf of this occasion. I can’t seem to avoid their advertisements, which unsettles me. 

Trips to the store lose their sense of casualness as the lavender Mother’s Day posters and signs face me at the door. I can’t look away without grieving. 

Needless to say, this weekend, this season, is not easy. Yet, as the years go by, I’m learning that this season cannot be avoided. As much I try to shield myself from the triggers, every year I stumble upon them like clockwork. So, I’ve had to find another way to overcome the challenge. 

Here’s what I’ve learned: Mother’s Day can be a day to reflect quietly on my mom’s  courage to persevere through severe disease and smile over the way she cooked perfectly cheesy quesadillas in the midst of it. It’s a day to think of the ways she prayed with me by my bedside as a child and taught me about the love of God through her faithfulness. 

Mother’s Day can be a day of thick remembrance. It’s a time to cry and laugh as memories rise to the surface. It’s a communal moment which shouts: our mothers matter to us. 

Mother’s Day can be a day of thick remembrance. It’s a time to cry and laugh as memories rise to the surface. 

Grieving daughter, your mother matters too

The passage of time does not diminish this. Rather, each year, her significance is amplified as you remember the way she mothered. 

Today, I remember the lessons, marked with love, that my mom passed on to me. And I pass them on still. While I lament with tears, I’ll celebrate, with joy, the way she parented and the way she lived. I am not motherless. I am a grieving daughter who misses her mom’s hugs. 

Friend, you can stay off Facebook and Snapchat today if that’s what you need or enter the feed slowly, posturing your heart to receive the day as it is—messy, painful and beautiful. 

I am not motherless. I am a grieving daughter who misses her mom’s hugs. 

Do celebrate the special moments experienced with your mom. Invite a friend or family member to reflect with you. Let them laugh, cry and pray with you. 

Let today be a day of remembrance.

Have you or someone close to you lost a mother or mother figure? How can you honor her memory this Mother’s Day?

Image via Raisa Zwart Photography

Categories: BEAUTY STRETCH

Darling Letters: The Healing Power of Mothering

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A sunrise over a lake

We are bringing “Darling Letters” from your inbox to the blog! We love the art of letter writing and believe it helps build authentic community. Our editors and contributors have thoughtfully written encouraging letters to cut through the busyness and speak straight to your heart.

I’m not sure there is another word that can simultaneously hold as much complexity, diversity, joy and pain as the word “mother.” On this Mother’s Day, each of us might have a different relationship with the word. Some of our mothers may have passed, some may be close and some may be far—emotionally or physically. Some of us might be mothers, some of us still longing to be one or somewhere in between. 

I recently read a statement from Dr. Christiane Northrup, M.D. that really struck me. She said, “Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her.” I thought it was a profound truth because it not only highlights the reality of the ripple effect of healing, but it also broadens the idea of what “mothering” can mean. 

Here’s the beauty in this. No matter our reality, we can each be a mothering and healing presence in the lives of those around us when we take the time for our own healing. 

We can each be a mothering and healing presence in the lives of those around us when we take the time for our own healing. 

A mother isn’t meant to be perfect; a mother is simply a safe place and a person who sees, addresses concern, guides, cherishes and cultivates. It is through showing compassion and care to ourselves that we are able to turn around and give the same to other women. Healing isn’t neutral or passive. It’s powerful and it matters. 

So today, remember the beauty of your story as a woman—all the ups and downs and things you’ve worked through. Take ahold of the victories you’ve won in shaping your character and perspectives and allow your healing to overflow onto others around you. 

It is through showing compassion and care to ourselves that we are able to turn around and give the same to other women.

With love,
Sarah Dubbeldam, Darling Founder

What happens when we learn to “put our oxygen masks on first” and take time for our own healing? Who is someone in your life who has a mothering and healing presence? In what small way can you show appreciation for them today?

Image via Chloe Nostrant

Categories: BEAUTY STRETCH